Tuesday, December 8, 2015

There are no crumbs

Except the ones that fall from my life as it crumbles and reshapes itself into something completely different. 

I've always known that things change, sometimes, and actually most often when we don't want them to. That doesn't mean I have to like them. I'm not saying that my life sucks, but it sure isn't as chill as I'd like it to be. 

The choices we have in our own lives can affect the people around us in pretty huge ways. Sometimes I feel the need to comment or poke and prod people to until they understand that. 

When something big is hanging in the balance, why do we wait so long to make the decision? Is it fear for the consequences? Is it just an honest distaste for decision making? Or does the thought of change make us fear the choice in and of itself? 

What about the changes that we have have no control of? Those things that come into our lives and affect them just by being? How we approach those are an expression of our personalities I think. 

My life has been and is still in the process of being changed dramatically. My brother had a motorcycle accident. My mom has been diagnosed with and is being treated for something that I honestly can't even comprehend. I won't mention any of the financial stuff but that's always stressful  of course. My jobs were thrown into some havoc by our circumstances so I've had to switch some stuff around which throws my schedule off... Eh, no more complaining.

All this stuff to say I hate the changes that my family has had to endure the past few months. But I have to say I'm so proud of them. Us. The way we have stuck together and pushed past the considerable pain and suffering is quite impressive if I may say so myself. 

This Thanksgiving was reunion year on my mom's side of the family. So we scraped together enough to go visit with family and extended family for four days. I'm always surprised how well we all get along. And by how much food we manage to consume! 

But now I am waiting with bated breath for the next thing that's going to hit us. I can't help but expect something. 

I'm also waiting for my own decision that I'm gonna have to make. One I know I'm gonna get hit by. But I have to wait for someone else to make a big decision which is going to have a huge affect on my big decision. That's what I don't like. The fact that sometimes other people can have such large influences on our own life and we can't change that. 

How can we trust that those who have influences on our lives are going to do something that is a help and not a hindrance? I suppose those times are when we must lean heavily on the Arm of God and trust that He is aware of those we cannot trust. 

He is the One who shares in our trials and tribulations of course. Why not trust in the only one who not only knows but also cares enough to change things for our good? Remember He has told us "For I know the plans I have for you, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." 

Personally, I know I am going to lean on him. I know not what else to do, for human knowledge and strength fail so easily and quickly. How can I not trust in the only One who knows the future? 


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