Friday, December 18, 2015

I'm wondering

Why don't kids know how to play duck, duck, goose anymore?


I want all the good old classic Christmas movies to be somewhere easily accessible. Like, on Netflix or on DVD somewhere. I don't have them if they are. I found a pirated version of "The Year Without Santa Claus" today, but I want to watch "Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer" and... Oh, the one with the abominable snowman, I can't remember the name. Ooh, and the one with the cute little bland elf? See, those are the Christmas movies I grew up watching. I wanna see them. Why aren't they somewhere I can get them?


OETA is playing the really old Scrooge movie tonight. I forget sometimes how much I like it. I enjoy pretty much any version of A Christmas Carol.


I haven't watched "Miracle on 34th St." or "Holiday Inn" or "It's A Wonderful Life" yet. I'm planning a get together with my best friend to watch Holiday Inn though. And we always watch It's A Wonderful Life as a family on Christmas Eve, so I know I'm gonna get to see those before Christmas. I'll have to make sure I watch Miracle on 34th St sometime soon. Maybe get my sis to watch with me.


One of my brothers is really hard to buy gifts for. He's always either grumpy or all "I don't want anything for Christmas"... I just wanna get him a little something fun or funny and he won't give me any hints at all. *sigh*


The kid's Christmas program was this evening at church. It wasn't too bad. A bit ambitious for the kids that're in our children's church though. There was food and games and gifts afterwards though. Everyone got to take home a big bag of candy and a coloring book, which was pretty great.


I only have one little gift for one of my best friends. I have two other best friends that I haven't gotten anything for yet. And one of them lives two states away!! Even if I were to get something for her tomorrow and send it right away it wouldn't get to her before Christmas. I'm a bad friend.


I'm currently doing a thing that is surprising if you know me. But I enjoy it immensely. Some of my friends make fun of me for it, but I don't care. Anyway, I'm gonna keep doing it as long as I can. I've made some good friends doing it and I've made one enemy but that's okay too.

Thursday, December 17, 2015


I love the changing of the seasons. And it's Christmas Season now! I won't say it's my favorite season, but it is one of my favorites... The decorations, the music, the family and friends, parties! The past two years are the first times I've been... old enough? aware enough? whatever, to actually get into the Christmas party mood. I didn't really enjoy them or something before that. But these last two years I've gone to and even hosted Christmas parties. Last night was the Christmas party for my Bible study group and I have to say it went really well. There was lots of food and games and gifts and laughing... 


If you know me at all, you know I'm a pretty clumsy person... Yesterday in the preparations for the party I hurt myself three times. I bashed the back of my hand against the corner of a cabinet, I banged my elbow hard against a door and I burned my hand on a pan. Last Monday I was carrying my laptop and tripped over a dog, jamming my shoulder and my elbow. A few days before that I was getting out of bed and I twisted my ankle by stepping on a shoe. I swear it's like I'm weirdly self-destructive. I just hope I'm not in traction before Christmas gets here!


This year our family isn't doing very many Christmas presents. But I like to make sure everybody has something to open. Just for the fun of it. I just get little cheap stuff and wrap it like it's all fancy... I think I've gotten something for everyone except my middle brother. I'm not sure what to get him. I'll think about it though!


I won a drawing the other day. Got a super nice pair of gaming headphones with a mic! I've been waiting so impatiently for them to get here and they arrived yesterday!! But then it occurred to me that I shouldn't open them and should wrap them and wait for Christmas instead... So I'm going to, even though it'll be hard. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

There are no crumbs

Except the ones that fall from my life as it crumbles and reshapes itself into something completely different. 

I've always known that things change, sometimes, and actually most often when we don't want them to. That doesn't mean I have to like them. I'm not saying that my life sucks, but it sure isn't as chill as I'd like it to be. 

The choices we have in our own lives can affect the people around us in pretty huge ways. Sometimes I feel the need to comment or poke and prod people to until they understand that. 

When something big is hanging in the balance, why do we wait so long to make the decision? Is it fear for the consequences? Is it just an honest distaste for decision making? Or does the thought of change make us fear the choice in and of itself? 

What about the changes that we have have no control of? Those things that come into our lives and affect them just by being? How we approach those are an expression of our personalities I think. 

My life has been and is still in the process of being changed dramatically. My brother had a motorcycle accident. My mom has been diagnosed with and is being treated for something that I honestly can't even comprehend. I won't mention any of the financial stuff but that's always stressful  of course. My jobs were thrown into some havoc by our circumstances so I've had to switch some stuff around which throws my schedule off... Eh, no more complaining.

All this stuff to say I hate the changes that my family has had to endure the past few months. But I have to say I'm so proud of them. Us. The way we have stuck together and pushed past the considerable pain and suffering is quite impressive if I may say so myself. 

This Thanksgiving was reunion year on my mom's side of the family. So we scraped together enough to go visit with family and extended family for four days. I'm always surprised how well we all get along. And by how much food we manage to consume! 

But now I am waiting with bated breath for the next thing that's going to hit us. I can't help but expect something. 

I'm also waiting for my own decision that I'm gonna have to make. One I know I'm gonna get hit by. But I have to wait for someone else to make a big decision which is going to have a huge affect on my big decision. That's what I don't like. The fact that sometimes other people can have such large influences on our own life and we can't change that. 

How can we trust that those who have influences on our lives are going to do something that is a help and not a hindrance? I suppose those times are when we must lean heavily on the Arm of God and trust that He is aware of those we cannot trust. 

He is the One who shares in our trials and tribulations of course. Why not trust in the only one who not only knows but also cares enough to change things for our good? Remember He has told us "For I know the plans I have for you, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." 

Personally, I know I am going to lean on him. I know not what else to do, for human knowledge and strength fail so easily and quickly. How can I not trust in the only One who knows the future? 

Sunday, July 26, 2015


... some people don't see me all the time.
... some people wish I were quieter.
... I want to practice my writing skills.
... there are things that are too complicated for mere sentences, and why should we limit ourselves?
... my world is bigger than me.
... the bright side of things are better seen from a different point of view.
... the things in my life are stupendous enough to be recorded somewhere.
... why not?